motions of the mind

zig and zags, loops and spirals, darting this way and that... despite physical exhaustion and sleepy eyes, my thoughts don't want to stop. perhaps this is because I should be focusing solely on report cards?

The sky grew eerily dark early this evening, and somehow I feel comforted by its uneasiness. The pre-rain gloom when the air feels thick and flowers smell their finest. Tom Waits, Melissa Ferrick, and Rusted Root have been my musical friends since I sat down at the computer.

School ends this week, and I feel a premature nostalgia because I absolutely love my first graders this year. They have become such responsible, open-minded, peace-loving, intelligent students... it's been amazing. And of course I hope that it just means that I continue to improve as a teacher, and that next year's class will be just as fabulous, but I have to accept the reality that this group is probably just a special group that comes along only once in a great while.

Almost-summertime makes me anxious... in a predominantly positive way that gets me making plans and getting outside. But there are always those fears of summertime loneliness. School is a built-in social network, and sometimes I become a summer hermit. I've overcome my phone phobia, for the most part, but I certainly get caught up in the virtual world, where I don't have to actually face anyone. So, my goal this summer is to do more face-to-face interaction. And of course that will be necessary if I'm going to be as active as I hope.

One thing I miss about living in Ann Arbor is summer's active inaction. Rather than lounging in the yard at home reading, I would head to the Diag to lay out on the lawn reading. Ultimate people-watching opportunities, and it gave me that group dynamic. I imagine that was one of the draws of Ghana as well-- socializing without the awkward planning component. I often become desperate for socialization, and I'll find myself emailing people in the effort to make a plan to meet up. How incredibly satisfying it would be to simply walk out the door and find myself amidst many intriguing individuals, with the choice to interact or simply be. Nothing forced, no "Hi, how are you?" necessary unless desired.

I should do report cards now.