how lovely is this nothingness that is everything

The title of this blog entry is a phrase that came to mind while we were in the Upper Peninsula just outside of Paradise... I'm not sure if I'd heard it somewhere before, or if it's something I came up with on my own, but either way, I love its truth. "How lovely is this nothingness that is everything." We were in a place that felt like the middle of nowhere, and it filled me with happiness.

We are homeless by choice this summer, always with the option of staying at our parents' homes or crashing with amazing friends (thank you, betsy, phil & becky, nancy, and jenny!) or chillin' in our home-sweet-tent. My car is a disastrous mess of biking gear, clothing, and random finds. We have stinky clothes, because even though we tend to bring a lot with us, we feel most comfortable in biking tops and running shorts... And I always seem to wear the same t-shirt and skirt when I do "dress up". So, we bring a delightful earthy smell with us everywhere we go. :) The car smells a bit vinegar-y on top of the exercise odor, because a bottle of kombucha exploded while we were on beaver island... oops.

I recently learned that Americans breathe much more quickly than some other developed nations. An educated friend informed us that one country's citizens (I cannot recall which one) average 8 breaths in a minute, while we average something like 15 or more. Soooo, I have started slowing down my breathing, and amazingly, it has helped me "let go" of the small stuff more easily. Breathing deeply settles the soul, it seems.

Nate's band played at the Beaver Island Music Festival last weekend, and it was such a fantastically relaxing environment... All of the motorists waved at us happily as we bicycled to the festival (such a change from the mainland's dirty looks!), and the pace of life was slow. And soon I will post a couple of photos to show you the beauty of the forest setting!

Last night, we sat on the dock with Jenny and Will, overlooking Cedar Lake (jenny's family's cabin!) and the darkening sky lit up with pinkish lightning blobs. It lasted for probably 3 hours before any rain came, so I imagine we must have sat there from about 9 until midnight, in awe of nature's beauty and power.... And don't worry, we laughed a lot too. :)

I

"It's no use trying to pretend that mostpeople and ourselves are alike.

Mostpeople have less in common with ourselves than thesquarerootofminusone.

You and I are human beings; mostpeople are snobs."

-e.e. cummings

Here I am, and this is what you've got... Me. Simple me, quirky me, chaotic me, watching you, watching me.

Funny how I thought everyone would think badly of me when I made these crazy life decisions to change, change, change. I imagined people looking down on me, wishing bad, making fun. And instead people have applauded me, encouraged me, and embraced my Change.

I began searching for the Why and discovered my luckiness in the midst of this adventure-ready peace of mind... Luckiness becacuse I indeed have managed a re-do in a world where everyone is afraid to confront mistakes. Yes, most of my friends are supportive because they love me, but there are definitely a number of people who applaud me simply because I courageously accepted my do-over opportunity. I was brave enough to acknowledge my unhappiness and change direction. And now, here I am, choosing to live life a little more selfishly, seeking out happiness.


"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people that have come alive."
-Howard Thurman

dry.

While reading Dry., by Augusten Burroughs, I came to a part that immediately brought tears to my eyes. A woman is at an AA meeting with Augusten sharing her story-- how she was diagnosed with breast cancer that had spread to many other areas of her body. She is talking about the alcoholism in this next section, but I truly think it can apply to us with regards to anything that we are spending time on that isn't "right" for us (like an unhealthy marriage, or bad habits, or jobs people hate)...

""When he told me I had maybe four months to live, my very first thought was, I'm going to go get sloshed at Old Town Pub. But then I thought, I am not going to die a drunk. I am going to try to live the best I can. And that means as somebody who is sober. You see, even though back when I was drinking I thought nothing bad ever happened to me, something did. Time passed. A lot of time passed. In bars, at parties with people I didn't care for. It was always the drink. It wasn't about love or reading the Sunday paper in bed. Or housebreaking a puppy. Or anything that people call 'life'. It was about drinking. So actually, something bad, very bad, did happen to me. I wasted my life. And now, what little I have left, I want.""

And I think maybe it made me get teary-eyed because I know how that feels. Don't we all really? Doesn't everyone at some point find themselves facing their choices? I am just so thankful that I chose to make my life more like the life I want to live.

The book is good, by the way. And Magical Thinking is his short-story book that I absolutely loved... totally laugh-out-loud funny.