catch-up

(This formatting is aggravating, so sorry for the odd placement of the photos.)  As you can see, some time has passed since the last post.  Tomorrow I'll be at 30 weeks pregnant!  Baby belly has been growing, and I've made the frequent remark, "Them's birthin' hips!"  Everyone is guessing boy based on my prominent out-in-front low-carrying bump.  I'm guessing boy based on the fact that all of our friends are having girls.  Yes, I know neither one of these guesses has a scientific basis, so we shall be surprised come November (or late October?  eeks!).

Baby has been head down for quite a while now, so here's hopin' she/he stays that way (or gets back that way should a flip happen).  I've become pretty good at feeling out baby's body parts, especially the bumpy butt.  Kind of fun-- makes me feel all midwife-y!

As someone who has been reading pregnancy blogs like a madwoman, I'm going to put tons of details in here that probably most people don't care about at all.  Because I know there's some pregnant woman out there who will be so thankful for all the info.  It's really easy to feel kind of alone in pregnancy.  Even though Nate is awesome and excited, he just doesn't get it, biologically speaking.

This third trimester has brought a whole new meaning to the word "hormonal".  I had no idea that this was part of it.  I'm somewhat of an emotional wreck... like all of my feelings blend together, so I end up being a mess of angry/happy/sappy/lonely/sad/anxious/excited/etc.  It's rather exhausting.  And I really don't love how quickly I cry over dumb stuff.  I'm hoping that when classes start next week, I'll be better due to more distractions.

I'm not a fan of the pre-made preg. blogs, but I do like some of the things they share.  One of the things they talk about are things that you miss.  Here's what I miss:  laying on my stomach at night (or to have Nate give me a good back rub), being excited to hit up fun breweries over summer, NOT being an emotional wreck, having the energy to bust out a ton of projects all at once, having a stomach that's not squashed so that I can actually eat a whole meal, being able to roll over/get up/etc. without finding it to be a tricky thing, and that's about it.

Things I LOVE: baby movements, turning the baby room into a somewhat-bohemian-ish hangout ;), organizing hand-me-down clothes & cloth diapers, finding out we have amazing friends who have donated us almost everything we actually will need, seeing how excited my mom is, watching the Bilbo cat boy express his concern over the new baby stuff (and his joy over being held in our Baby K'Tan carrier!), interacting with baby's movements, reading birth stories (I especially loved the ones from Ina May's Guide to Childbirth book... really gave me an actual picture of what birth entails), and so much more.

So many friends are having babies this year... One friend just had hers like a month early (baby is fine!), another one is a week past her due date and getting anxious, another was a week before her scheduled c-section, Nate's cousin's was over a week past the due date, and another friend's came 2 weeks early.  Oh, and our midwife had her baby boy 2 weeks past the due date!  So, I need to be prepared for any timeline!  :)  I sure am glad we are planning a home birth, because I think that alone will ease my anxieties about the timing and everything.  Hospitals and such cause me a whole lot of anxiety.  Obviously if there's a need, we will be transferred (and our midwife has an awesome relationship with one of the local hospitals that is close by and would stay with us there through everything), but I'm hoping things work out here at home where I feel comfortable.  We'll have a pool here for labor, but I am not planning on a water birth.  I'm not the biggest fan of water, and even though I *know* the baby wouldn't take its first breath until surfacing, I think it would make me panic.

Phew, this was a whole lot of info.  I feel like pregnancy brain has turned me into a rambler.  I never used to email people very much, and I certainly never had so much to say about one topic, so this is purely a pregnancy symptom.

newness

I think it has been a long, long while... new house, 

another new kitty, new baby belly, new career path. :) 

I...feel free

Signs of summer... fresh air through screens, happy music blasting, bicycle rides to everywhere, smiles, lilac smells, motivation, local produce, rainy warmth, dirty contentment, pleasantly aching muscles.

to do or not to do

to do: run, bicycle, do push-ups, do crunches, write the beginnings of a story, research bilingual education (dual immersion?), write new cover letter, do more laundry, do dishes, fill the goodwill bin, write Alena a letter (yes, by hand)

It is so easy to think of the many things waiting to engage my brain and body. I'm not even imagining my school 'to-do' list, because that stuff will 'get done' at school. However, these household 'to-dos' will not get done. Why? Because I find zero motivation after waking up to a snow-covered car. I feel no purposeful energy after coming home from a half-day training that covered everything that was already covered in the previous training. I lack any sort of drive to accomplish things when all I want to do is snuggle up under a blanket and find a relatively empty contentment... as in an EMPTY mind. I get tired of the daily racing-mind frustrations and today I opt for the opposite extreme, which sounds soooo incredibly lazy. Yet, on this COLD mid-April day, I am quite okay with my choice to do absolutely *nothing*. I'll get to my to-do list... tomorrow.

p.s. It helps to have a kitty and a hubby feeling the exact same way. The extent of our workout today will be the creation of a thai curry dinner (with some needy meowing thrown in by the feline friend).

please excuse this blog for hibernating (we're back!)

Already mid-April? Time has been moving quickly, and of course, as we move into warm weather, my brain gets all discombobulated, thoughts going every which way. That fresh air rush of emotions to the mind... making me happy with a bittersweet base. We are in a good place.

Crazy job that I love in a crazy district that I laugh about and have learned to navigate. I've made a few friends at work, including one fantastic partner-in-crime. We seek out the good in our middle school world, encouraging the kiddos and spreading a 'positive' vibe. I often say to people that I'm lucky I'm old, and that I have years of experience, because otherwise this job would have suffocated me. But instead I was able to make it my own, even with no support or direction. Hmmm... I suppose it helped that I had the Abu Dhabi experience first-- couldn't get any more disorganized than that!

My hubby and the Bilbo cat snuggle me regularly, so I can say that home life is fantastic. Nate has been substitute teaching this year, and he is really good at it. He also scored high enough on the LSAT to qualify for a full-ride to law school at Cooley next year, so that will be a new adventure. Bilbo has gone from being the under-the-bed-only cat to a cat that cries sadly when I leave and sprints over to me when I get home. Mr. Bilbo Baggins Boy is quite possibly my best friend.

Friends! It's been especially fun to make some new down-to-earth friends here in Grand Rapids. People here seem more inclined to venture out or come over or have us over, and we do wine nights and game nights and bar nights. I'm definitely excited for this warmer weather so we can do more bicycling to friends' houses. We biked to a fun bar last weekend, and it was great to get the exercise and also feel that we were saving gas. Nate has been obnoxious (but yes, admirably so) all winter with his "I bicycle to school" gig; he refused to get dropped off at his sub jobs and instead opted to ride his bike ALL WINTER LONG. Awesome, most def, but obnoxious because he simply put me to shame. Maybe now warm weather will help me redeem myself.

I've also never fully known how nice it is to have family close by... Nate's folks are a half-hour away, my parents an hour away, and Nate's brother's family lives within walking distance. And it's just perfect. I feel a little lucky that we did our crazy brief UAE stint-- It made 'this' all the more valuable; 'this' being our space in time here in lower Michigan.


p.s. Follow this link to find a yummy recipe blog as well as a chance to enter and win the give-away; I was kind of excited about the mug I could win (it looks like a large one, quite pleasing to the hand)... So, add your comment to this blog entry, and we'll see who wins. The oopsitsvegan folks live in Ann Arbor, my old college town. :)
http://oopsitsvegan.blogspot.com/2011/03/national-pancake-dayand-give-away.html

...and a happy new year

2010 comes to a close, and we are in a happy place that we never were really trying to find... which is a welcomed surprise. My job is fine (both vague and VAST, but I'm working on defining it), we have an awesome apartment in the Heritage Hill neighborhood of Grand Rapids, we got a new cat Bilbo, Nate took the LSAT (awaiting results) and is subbing, and we are super close to family and friends on both sides. I guess sometimes surprises are good. :)

residual anxiety

Lindsey asked me today if I have "residual anxiety" from my UAE experience. And I think it's funny that I didn't realize it until now. Let's look at the things I've been worrying about...

*Will the principal know I am coming on Wednesday?

*Will I have any guidance whatsoever?

*What if everyone hates that I don't speak Spanish as fluently as the other teachers?

*What if my paperwork doesn't get processed and I don't get paid?

*What can I plan for the day in order to be 'prepared' in every single possible scenario upon my arrival?

But don't worry, because I'm no longer worrying. After emailing the HR person to inquire about the situation Wednesday, I have learned that the Response to Intervention teachers (that's me!) will be meeting with the RTI Coordinator before going to our sites. We will get the full scoop on job expectations. (Wow, you mean they'll actually make sure I understand my job?)

And after Lindsey pointed out my anxiety (and commented how I have never shown anxiety in the past), I realized that indeed Abu Dhabi still haunts my brain, and I can leave it at that. It can haunt all it wants, but my mind is moving on to better things.